The Mall (both words capitalized, on purpose, because The Mall deserves it for being larger than…well…just large.) is one of the worst places on earth. If someone wanted to torture me, all they’d have to do is stick me in a gated Mall parking lot, force me to look for parking, and then lock me inside The actual Mall for hours on end. I cannot think of a worse fate than being shoved back and forth between pre-teens who think they are baby prostitutes and slow-walking mothers/men/kids/nanas who inexplicably weave back and forth across the aisles, completely blocking your pathway. (I mean seriously, do you ever notice that? People are always just stepping directly into the flow of traffic at the most inopportune times, or holding giant communal conversations in the middle of the walkway).
Anyhow, it’s that time of year–people come crawling out of the woodwork perusing The Mall for that perfect gift for friends and family for Christmas. Now, don’t get me wrong. The Mall can come in handy for those last minute gifts, or when you need a dress or bathing suit and just have to try it on. (However, I highly recommend staying within the confines of The Department Store in these situations.) But to stroll the mall for HOURS ON END is simply unnecessary. It conjures images of young people with huge bangs, snapping their gum with the smell of hairspray wafting behind.
So, what do I do, you ask? It’s simple. See that little rectangular glowing thingy I’m patiently typing this blog post out on? That’s a computer, and if you’re lucky, it’s connected to The Internet. Internet Shopping haseverything that The Mall doesn’t. It’s fast. It’s not crowded. It allows you to stay seated and shop from anywhere. No parking required. No smelly foods wafting, no giant crowds blocking your path, no strange kiosk salesperson shouting and spraying lotion on you against your will. Just you, the merchandise, and your credit card.
And so, there it is. I hate The Mall. I love The Internet. The Internet > The Mall. Enough said.
I have been taking an outdoor bootcamp class for the last…wow…almost 4 years (you’d think I’d look better than I do, right? I like food. And my couch). Annnnyhow, part of being in my class involves laying on the dirty, sometimes wet grass/track/floor/sidewalk/dirt etc. I have been using the SAME. FREAKING. YOGA. MAT. for four years. NO JOKE. As you might imagine, it looks like hell.
Today, Yogamatic.com came to my attention.
I am in love.
Although pricey ($85 a pop!!! For a YOGA MAT), these mats are so vibrant and fun, and, at least I hope, excellent quality. The best part? You can CUSTOMIZE YOUR MAT with your own photo. Check out some of my favorites:
WTF is up with the United States having to “Fall Back”? Is winter not depressing enough already? Seriously, we have to make it get dark EVEN EARLIER than it already does? In most states there isn’t even enough sunshine to constitute it being called “daytime” in the winter–it’s like an extended, bright nighttime. I’m lucky because I live in one of the sunniest places in the US, but all cannot have it as such. For example, almost two years ago I lived in Chicago. (Seriously? Two years already?) between the months of February and June. I am willing to state that I saw the sun MAYBE 25 days in that time period. And on the days I did see the sun, it was short lived, it probably hailed/snowed buckets at some point that day, and it got dark at 4pm. I also took a trip during that time period to Florida. Upon sitting outside in the sun for exactly one hour, both of my olive-toned, never-ever-burn, high-tolerance to sun camel arms were burnt to a crisp. I distinctly remember sporting some horrendous tshirt tan for the remainder of that year.
In addition to the dark being downright depressing, it also hampers my life in others way. I have to leave work and by 5pm need a flashlight to find my car. My bootcamp class has to work out under the giant track lights or else we’d probably break our necks in the dark–no running around campus in the winter! I am completely unmotivated to move when it is pitch black out. The only thing I’m motivated to do is eat cake and sit on my couch (wait…that might be how it is all the time).
Anyway, as the fateful “Fall Back” is upon us, let us all pay homage to the sun. You may not see it for a looong while.
Do you remember that Seinfeld episode that goes like this…
JERRY: Which one you wanna go to shmoopy?
SHEILA: You called me shmoppy. You’re a shmoopy.
JERRY: You’re a shmoopy!
SHEILA: You’re a shmoopy!
JERRY: You’re a shmoopy!
And, then, do you recall the reaction by George…
GEORGE: What is that with the shmoopy?
ELAINE: Ohh!
GEORGE: The shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy, shmmopy, shmoopy!
ELAINE: Ohh! Stop it! I know.
GEORGE: I had to listen to a five minute discussion on which one is actually called shmoopy.
Now, all, let’s take some words of wisdom from Seinfeld (the ultimate guide to life in my house)…To all of you PDA loving, shmoopy-calling, lovey-dovey, kissing-smooching couples out there, please STOP.
Maybe it’s the little girl in me who remembers my parents holding hands during Open House Night in 5th grade or the fact that I can clearly remember them sneaking a kiss in the kitchen or cuddling on the sofa, but I have always hated public displays of affection.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Mr. L and I love to show him my affection. But, frankly, I prefer to do it in private! I just don’t understand, when you’re with a group of friends, is the need to touch one another so urgent that you can’t wait until you are alone? If you must hold hands– fine, but do you have to cross that clear line into awkwardness with kisses, whispers and secret giggles?
I’m sorry, but for me, this is definitely a hate!
This is so sweet—and features voice overs from a few of the LiHi girls! Love it!
I promised to all of my adoring readers (aka my mom, my aunt and my fellow blogettas) that I would be producing an entire series of freak shows, seen and spotted in real life here in the Bay Area by yours truly. Today’s installment comes courtesy of Santa Cruz, a beautiful coastal town with an odd mix of Victorian Architecture, Homeless people, Huge Redwood Forests, palm trees, Tree-hugging hippies, surfers and techies, among others. Basically, your classic eclectic beach town.
Since Santa Cruz is a weekly destination for me, there is no shortage of freak sightings. For example, just the other day as I ran along the beach boardwalk, I saw two nude men nesteled on a small beach at the bottom of a tall cliff, chillin’. The odd part was, the boardwalk was extremely crowded that day and they were fully visible. Not surprisingly, no one blinked an eye. As a matter of fact I’m pretty sure I myself didn’t blink at all; instead I craned my neck to try to see more…what were they doing? Were they really nude? Why? Am I the only person who can see this?! <ahem>. Anyway.
Shortly after this sighting, Mr. T and I were heading to one of our favorite beaches when we encountered this:
WTF is this? An RV with GIGANTIC stuffed animals strategically placed all over it, that’s what. And I mean GIGANTIC. WHERE did they get them?! Again, the ever-present question: Why?
The mysteries are neverending…what happens when it rains? Do the stuffed animals get all soggy and grow mold? What if one falls off and lands on the windshield of a passing motorist? What if a small child sees one of the giant stuffed animals suddenly become decapitated from age, mold and wind shear? So much trauma can come from this vehicle. So really, why? Are they even stuffed? Or are they huge costumes? How are they attached to the vehicle? I could go on and on, but I’ll save you the misery.
Quite frankly, I don’t think I will ever understand, nor will I bother trying. After all, without spectacles like these, what would I have to amuse me on a daily basis? Loves it.
Today two of my loves got together to create the coolest thing ever. Let me break is down for you:
Black Eyed Peas (love #1) + Oprah (love #2) = HUGE flash mob in the streets of Chicago (coolest thing ever).
You just must watch this video.
I got another little treat for completing week 3! The Gratitude Challenge just keeps on giving…
Recently, after visiting the AMAZING and fabulous website/store that is Lululemon (again, another post!!!!! I love and hate so many different things.) I became obsessed with one of their gym bags that has a built-in laptop compartment, among other things. (E., you will relate to this post, I am preettttyyy sure). Anyhow, because I am an instant gratification, I-need-it-right-now-or-I-will-surely-die type of person, I ordered a non returnable bag from eBay. Lulu was completely out of stock. You can imagine my excitement the day it arrived. Like a small child entering not only a candy store, but one made entirely of candy, I ripped the bag from it’s box with glee and began filling it. Imagine my dismay when I began to stuff my work computer, which I need to transport on a daily basis, into the bag and found this:
The gigantic, oversized, massive brick of a PC that my employer has given me to work on (how does one work when your computer crashes almost hourly? Just asking.) does not fit in the Lulu bag. It is satan. Clearly Lululemon, in all it’s cool, trendy, hotness agrees, because when I tried to put my cute, shiny, silver macbook in, this is what happened:
Oh, what? What’s that you say? You don’t see my Macbook there? That’s right. THAT’S BECAUSE IT IS SO VERY SMALL it more than fits in the bag. In fact, it disappears inside the bag to such a degree that it is barely noticeable that you have a computer in there. It’s almost as though these bags were built for macbooks. Conspiracy? Me thinks yes. Lululemon hates PCs as much as I do.
Anyhow, this is just one wonderful example of why PCs are one gigantic suck. Besides the fact that they don’t fit in the trendiest of gym bags, here are a host of other reasons I detest them:
- They are huge and weigh a ton. They are basically giant bricks and should be used to build houses, not as portable work devices.
- They crash hourly. Apple has some great marketing, but let’s be honest. How hard is it to come up with a commercial claiming that you should buy a mac because they “just work” when..well…it’s true. And that PCs crash a lot because… they do. My PC crashes ALL THE TIME.
- PCs do not allow you to scroll down a page using two fingers instead of one. Rather, you have to hold a button and awkwardly drag your other finger around on the mousepad just to get the screen to move. Fail! How hard is it to come up with simple, natural finger motions for the mousepad? Not that difficult, Apple did it!
- They are ugly. I don’t care how hard they try to clone the silver glory that is a macbook. They still look clunky and 1980’s-ish.
- Their batteries weigh a ton and take up half the machine. MY battery actually projects out the back of the computer adding an extra two inches to the back for no apparent reason.
- I could go on and on, but for your sake, I will stop. I just want to give you ooonnneeee last little reason. A picture is worth a thousand words. Without further ado:
*disclaimer: Although Mr. T DOES work for Apple, I owned a Mac LONG before I even met him. So his influence is nada. As a matter of fact, until he worked there, he was a PC guy. Luckily, he crossed over from the dark side.
HATE PCs.
If you know me well then you might also know that I am obsessed with pancakes. Pancakes are one of my favorite foods in the world and I can eat them anytime of day (or night).
In fact, I love pancakes so much that Mr. L. makes me a batch of pancakes on all holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and any other made up occasion that I can think of.
So, you can imagine my excitement when I saw pancake muffins on Bakerella. Now, Mr. L. can make me a batch of pancakes on the weekend & we can use the left over batter to make muffins for the rest of the week! (Yes, that was a hint.)
Check out the delicousness…
