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Hate It: General Human Failure

August 14, 2009

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon.  One of those perfectly clear, dry, hot summer days that make you feel too lazy to actually do anything, but still make you want to be outside.  So, Mr. T and I headed out to our community pool.  The great thing about our neighborhood is that it is full of ancient people who don’t really leave their house let alone swim laps at the pool.  So, every single one of the three pools is usually dead silent and like a private, personal oasis.

On this particular day, that was just the case.  The sun shone, I read my Us Weekly (best magazine evvverrrr, don’t even try to deny!), Mr. T played this horrible game called “Peggle” on his iPhone.  Just lovely.  Suddenly, a screaming child and his not-so-attentive father appeared.  Silence disrupted.  5 minutes later, another father, this time with two small children, appeared.

Look, don’t get me wrong.  I love children as much as the next 20-something married-but-doesn’t-want-kids-yet loves children.  But when they’re screaming bloody murder, tossing water in my face, and puking in the pool, I have a slight problem.

Go ahead, re-read that sentence.  Oh, you read it correctly.  I said PUKING IN THE POOL.  One minute I’m enjoying the story of Miley Cyrus’ latest venture into slut-dom, and the next I’m watching a man scoop puke out of the pool and into the palm tree off to the side.  The freaking kid puked INTO the pool and the father scooped it out with his bare hands.  Not only that, as soon as he completed the “removal” he got right back into the pool with his kid and they splashed along on their merry way.  I truly believe to this moment that the father really thought none of the onlookers actually saw what happened.  He really thought he was being discreet and that no one noticed.

Luckily, the father who was not a complete failure in parenting promptly and quietly removed his children from the pool. Mr T. and I both made a quick getaway and emailed our HOA to clean the hell out of that thing.

It’s been weeks since that happened.  Today, I ventured out to have a little nappy-time by the pool, which has since been cleaned.  Lo and behold, who appears but Fail Father and his child.  I snapped this photo of them without them seeing because they are not the sharpest tools in the shed.


This story is an example of what I call “General Human Failure” (GHF for short).  It is when a human being does something so absolutely mind-boggling and ridiculous that you  don’t really know what to call it.  And you know what?  I hate General Human Failure.  We’re all guilty of it in some way or another, but I still hate it.  Hate it!

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